On the last days as I look back to thank God, to analyze, to ponder, 2018 was a very eventful year for me. Not one day was slack or Mundane. Spiritually also, I felt strong God’s presence in my life amidst troubles.
At this very moment I have come back to square one. I am again at a point where uncertainty lurks, not knowing what to do next. But still I praise Jesus because atleast I have him compared to others who don’t have him. At least, there is a assurance I can call on Abba father.
One has to yoke to Christ to ease on this life Or else, this era we live in is extremely stressful and complicated. Time to time to disentangle from the knots, I resort to Christ. Only in him is a ray of hope for a hopeless soul.
I have just learnt that everyone is playing. Playing with cards they have. Cards of being pretty, being rich, etc etc And I have no cards to play. I am just blankly watching the games.
I just realized that I have to start all over the process of lkg to college to job hunt, marriage and all over again for Jady and I am in no mood for all this.
I just realized that it’s been ages since I have been happy. I mean the without reason being happy as when I was a kid.
I just realized I need to find some source of money other than this corporate which sinks me from time to time.
I realize that i am more than content with 1 kid for the time being but 20 years later when I see others having 2 kids and Jady all alone, I will feel bad for taking that decision. So the dilemma remains.
I realize that i am not even half a good mother compared to my mother. Actually I need to work on it a lot. A mother can never afford to me like me, irresponsible and slothful.
I just lost my grandfather and it is paining me a lot. And my grandmother is in a delicate state. That too is paining me a lot.
I realize that i need good vibes and lots of happiness and blessings or else I will go mad with sadness.
I realize that Pain is the only true feeling in this world. Everything else is an illusion. And in the end only one thing matters most in life, that is our covenant with Christ. Rest everything is an illusion.